I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
