Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
send nudes
from the living room?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
