Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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