he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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