Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
