I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize