Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
