Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
