u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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