guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
too bad you live with your parents still
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
