hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
