Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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