we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
