He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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