it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
