I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
