Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
