Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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