she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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