Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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