You smell like a Billy Joel song
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
