What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
