Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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