K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize