and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
