remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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