Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize