He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
