The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
