That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
