I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
