Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
