I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
