I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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