Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
