I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
