summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize