real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My ass is underappreciated
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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