We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
