You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't deserve a penis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize