very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
