apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
