great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
