It's Friday. Sex?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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