so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
