Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
