Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
