Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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