Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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