his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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