just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
