did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
