i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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