How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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