It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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