never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
