I'm gonna have a badass scar
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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