Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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