She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
