only if we run a train.
done.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
