I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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