maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
