can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
