Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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