Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize