My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
