I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
