I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
