happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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