I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
