I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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