I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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