Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
