everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
