My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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