We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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