Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize