it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize