Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She bit a glass in half.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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