When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
