census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
