My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
