After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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