I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
