Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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