you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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