Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
