Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
