I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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