What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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