I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
