I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Non-Jews are for practice
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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