New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
