She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
