I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
