I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
