We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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