So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
