Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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