So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
