highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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