I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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