I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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