Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize