Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
