Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
