I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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