I wish my penis had an off switch
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize